Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
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slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
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I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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