The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
You've changed since you got that strap on
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
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