My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
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