So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
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you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
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You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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