i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
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