I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
Randomize