you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
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Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
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