my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
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