its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Randomize