My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
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