It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
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I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
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"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
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