your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
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You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
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You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
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