I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
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airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
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