So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
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It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
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Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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