I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the night ended with taco bell and tears
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
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