we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
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