Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Randomize