No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
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You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
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Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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