cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize