Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
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He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
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