apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
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You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
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