Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
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blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
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