...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
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