I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
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