Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
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I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
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Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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