All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize