If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
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We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
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I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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