just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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