jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
Randomize