I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
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