Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
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