that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
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He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
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I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
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