I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have feelings that need drinking.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
Randomize