i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Come on in and take your pants off
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