did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize