Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
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