I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
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