oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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