He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
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Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
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