We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
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