i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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