It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
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