Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
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