You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
Randomize