my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize