We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
Randomize