I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
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