Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
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