sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
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just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
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