hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
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Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
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We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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